Week 333 Update

It was 5:50 a.m. when I stepped up on Mr. Scale and he said, "200.5 pounds!" Almost there.

The Weight Commander has me trending downward finally. I was on track for 210 pounds a while back but now I am heading towards my target weight again. (It says that if I follow my current course I will be in my target range next week and will trend consistently down to 197 pounds for Christmas.) It also tells me that I weigh 2.5 pounds less than I did 30 days ago, and 4 pounds more than I did 60 days ago. Ninety days ago I was one pound less than I am today. A positive note is that over the last 4 weeks I have had two weeks where I lost more than a pound and two weeks where I gained a pound, for a net loss of 1.5 pounds.

This set me to thinking, and I wandered back through my journal a bit, and I came to my journal entry for February 26, 2005 and a post that I made on Dotti's message board for that week.

A lot of what I said then still holds true, but I can see some things that are different, and perhaps that is why the results I am getting today are different as well. For 3 years I had weighed in under the top of my target range, and that continued for 9 more months after this post was made. But the wheels came off that wagon in November, and it has "been in the shop" ever since. I have never completely given up, and I didn't put all my weight back on (although I had started that process earlier this year!), but I lost the edge that I had when I wrote this. Perhaps the answer is here.

Re: What keeps you going???

I find that what keeps me going is doing the same things for motivation that I did when I was losing. I continue to journal every day and track the results. I weigh every day as a “sanity check” to make sure that I am on track and don’t need to make any major corrections. I have an official weigh-in every week just like when I was losing. I graph my weight just like before. I update my online journal every week, and I still get a thrill out of marking another week inside my target zone. The thrill may not be quite as large as the one I used to get when I dropped 2 or 3 pounds in a week, or took my belt in a notch once more, but it is enough. You can ask Dotti, I am just as concerned with my Saturday weigh-ins each week now as I was when I was losing. I want to hold my weight inside my target zone each week, and that is just difficult enough to hold my attention, and to make me feel good about getting it done. But what makes the whole thing live in my heart is the fact that I like being thin. I like knowing that I will still be wearing the same sized clothes next year that I am wearing this year, and that I wore the year before. I know that if I just coast, I will put my weight back on again. That is not an option that I am willing to leave on the table. I know that I am an “unnaturally thin” man, and not a “naturally thin” one. Just like a recovering alcoholic has to be actively sober, and cannot coast along passively, I have to actively be thin. I know that if I do certain things every day, I will remain thin. If I do not do those things, I will not remain thin. The list is short, and the effort expended is really quite small when compared with the results I get, but the short and easy list has to be done, or else I fail. Each day I journal what I eat, always. It is on my list. Each day I weigh myself, always. It is on my list. Each day I attempt to eat somewhere near my established point target. Some days my points are high and some days low, but on average, I try not to swing too far in either direction. Each day I look at where my weight is in relation to my target weight and target range. If it is right where it should be, I don’t worry too much. If it is moving away from my target, I get more serious about what I am eating, and alter my points intake in such a way as to direct the scale back to where it belongs. I very much am driven by my upcoming Saturday weigh-in to avoid drifting too far away from my target at any time. Having an official weigh-in, and having accountability to a group, or at least another individual, each week is what keeps the zest in the process for me. I have started my fourth year of maintenance now, and I still get excited over the process of getting ready for my weekly weigh-in. Dotti knows that I don’t do anything on Friday night that will mess up my weigh-in on Saturday. Having a good weigh-in is still a thrill, because it is a test I take each week, and I have to submit my results. I take my tests very seriously. And it is just as tough to hold my weight in the 185 ± 2 pounds window as it was to lose a couple of pounds for a week during the losing phase. We have two choices: struggle; or fail. I think the struggle to remain at goal can be just as challenging, and just as fulfilling as losing the weight was, and it is even more rewarding in some ways: You feel good about where you are right now. If you let yourself appreciate that properly, you will find that exciting! You like wearing your “skinny clothes” right now, not 6 months from now. How cool is that? You are living right where you wanted to be living when you started your weight loss journey. You are not searching for the “Holy Grail,” you have it in your hands. You are an example to others who want to lose weight so badly, and they see your success and realize that if you can do it, they just might be able to also. (That is a two-edged sword in that if you quit trying, and gain your weight back, that is discouraging to the very same ones. However, that knowledge can be inspirational as well.) In addition to that, when you are maintaining, you are not yo-yoing, which is unhealthy. Emotionally, you are not beating yourself up for putting your weight back on. Your self esteem is higher because you are happy with where you are, and you are not tearing yourself down inside because you are not where you want to be. This is a journey, not to somewhere, but for something. The journey goes on for life, and you have the prize as long as you continue to travel, and only find it slipping from your hands when you leave the path. There is a peace that comes from a job well done, and maintenance is a job that pays your wages each day when you look yourself in the mirror and say, “Well done!” Losing weight is like building a house. Everyone stops by to see the framing go up, and the wiring run, and plumbing installed. They watch and ooh and ah at the siding and the windows, shingles and doors as the new items are put in place. When the house is completed they come and cheer your good taste and give you a housewarming party, and everything is so exciting. But is that what you were after when you started? No, you didn’t build the house to watch the walls go up, or even for the housewarming party. You built the house to live in: the daily mundane process of sitting on your sofa, cooking meals in the kitchen, and sleeping in your own bed. Nobody pats you on the back for living in your house perhaps, but it is still why you have one. When that monthly mortgage payment comes due, why do you pay it? Because you want to continue to live in your house. It is your home, and that is why you pay the price to stay there. You have lost your weight—you have built your house—and now you are paying the mortgage. There may not be as many cheers from the onlookers, but the rewards are greater, the longer you live in your home. The other side of the coin is, if you lose interest in paying that mortgage payment, you lose the house that you worked so hard to build. It is the carrot and the stick, that life has so mercilessly put upon us. Life, and the laws of physics, are unforgiving if we fail to do what we must do. But the house that you have built is sound, and the key to the door is in your hand. Is the price worth it? You bet it is!

Here are two quotes from that post

1. You can ask Dotti, I am just as concerned with my Saturday weigh-ins each week now as I was when I was losing. I want to hold my weight inside my target zone each week, and that is just difficult enough to hold my attention, and to make me feel good about getting it done.

2. But what makes the whole thing live in my heart is the fact that I like being thin. I like knowing that I will still be wearing the same sized clothes next year that I am wearing this year, and that I wore the year before. I know that if I just coast, I will put my weight back on again. That is not an option that I am willing to leave on the table. I know that I am an "unnaturally thin" man, and not a "naturally thin" one. Just like a recovering alcoholic has to be actively sober, and cannot coast along passively, I have to actively be thin.