August 22, 2011
We couldn't miss the opportunity of having the family visit with Mom. I wish Kai would have had the opportunity of meeting his great grandmother when she was more herself, because she was quite a lady and a lot of fun to be around. In 2006, he did see her come out with us and play some whiffle baseball, and that was good. When I was Kai's age, Mom would take me over to the ball park, along with my friends, and play ball with us. She also played Monopoly with my friends and I, and whenever we were in the car she would make up games to play along the way.
It is difficult for me to connect the woman who lives in the assisted living home with the woman who was my mother and who raised me with such love and devotion. She was intelligent, doing accounting work all her working life, and enjoying logic puzzles and other intellectually stimulating pastimes for fun. Sadly, the staff at her home had to ask me if she really was an accountant in her previous life, because there is no hint of that capability left within her. I feel like I have fallen into an alternate universe, and there is no connection with what went before. Over the past two years I have grown better able to face this, but that does not mean I am okay with it. I can have my emotional feet yanked out from under me in a single moment when I look this terrible tragedy in the face, and think for only a short time about what has happened to my wonderful mother. I can't save her, and I can't even explain to her any longer why she would require saving, because her understanding has slipped too far below the threshold required to grasp the problem. She has forgotten nearly everything, and lives almost entirely in the now, and occasionally in a fantasy world that she makes up on the fly. I am faced with an unacceptable reality and told I must accept it.
My only consolation is that Mom is happy in her own little world. She smiles, she visits with others, and goes through her day, and doesn't seem depressed any longer. A year and a half ago, she had bouts of depression, but they seem to be absent now. She has forgotten what she has lost for the most part, and that has left her content. It is a blessing for her. I, alas, have no such comfort.
But I can still hug her and tell her I love her, and she looks up at me and says she loves me too. What lies behind those eyes these days is anyone's guess. What remains of the woman who so tenderly attended my terrible ear aches as a child? What is left of the mind that used to spend hours discussing things with me? Now that she no longer reads to herself, how can I explain how much it meant to me as a young lad, listening to her read stories to me by the hour? Most of what was there is gone, and my heart can't believe it, though my head knows it to be true. And these are the thoughts I must face each and every time we go to visit Mom, as we did this August day.
Miho took this picture of Kai, Grandpa (Al), Dad(Glenn), Great-Grandma(Betty), and Grandma (Dotti).
My Alaska belt buckle is a reminder of the cruise we took, to a place that seemed like it was a pretty fair distance away. But it was really close compared with Japan, where Glenn and his family live. The time we spent together on this trip was especially precious, after the terrible catastrophe that hit the Japanese Islands earlier this year. Being able to put my arms around my son and my grandson is a gift that can't be measured. Great grandma, at some level knows this is a special event, and she very much enjoyed the visit. I am very glad we came, despite the pain it caused me.
Glenn gave his grandmother a lot of hugs and attention, and I know she appreciated. I also know that I appreciated it as well. He was very understanding and compassionate to her, and that meant a great deal to me.
Mom was pointing out to her deck area, and was explaining something about it.
Behind Mom is her organ. It reminds me of the way music filled up so much of our lives when I was growing up. Mom and I would sing duets together in church sometimes, and we sang in the church choir. We would take a book of songs, and Mom would pick one that we did not know, and she would read the music and play the song on our piano, and we would learn to sing it from that. My dad played the harmonica and we would all join in singing and playing, and it was great fun.
Over Glenn's shoulder is a photo frame we put together for Mom. There are pictures of her and Dad, and myself as a kid, along with old friends of hers, including high school chums.
This group of three girls is cut out of the class photo for the senior class of 1950, at Loma Linda Academy.
Mom is the girl on the left, and knowing the way Mom looked, she seemed to be up to something there. In the center of the photo is a girl named Carol, and I hear news of her from time to time from a friend of Mom who still lives near where Mom used to live. Fortunately, Carol is doing well!
On the far right is my Aunt Barbara. She is my Dad's sister, and one of the nicest ladies you would ever want to meet. She was best friends with Mom in high school, and because of that friendship, I exist, Glenn exists, LeRoy exists, and Kai exists. It was that friendship that brought my mother and father together and led ultimately to their marriage and my birth.
Sadly, as if Mom's problems were not enough, Aunt Barbara is also suffering from dementia and is in a home and doing poorly. I had the good fortune of holding her hand and talking with her a few months ago. She is still sweet and wonderful. It is no doubt fortunate that on the bright day in 1950, when these young people had their pictures taken, they had no inkling of where they would be this day. They were excited, and about to graduate. Their lives stretched out before them. No matter how things stand today, they did well, and I am proud of them for all they accomplished!
Mom also has this photo in her room, taken of my mother and father around the time that they were married.
Don't they look happy? They were eagerly setting out on a path that they were hopeful would be filled with joy. There was joy, to be sure, but there was far more pain and suffering than they ever dreamed might come along. The one thing that was certain was that they both gave it their all and another thing that was clear to one who had a front row seat, despite all their troubles, they were deeply in love with each other.
Dotti took this group shot, with Miho included standing next to Mom. The visit was lighthearted and the smiles were genuine. The battle I face each time I go to visit Mom is my own, and I try my best to keep it out of the way, so the others can enjoy the time they spend with Mom, and I do like to see Mom smiling and having a good time.
Mom has that "little girl" look on her face. It is hard to tell if that look merely touches my heart or shatters it, but Glenn was a great help on this visit, and Mom felt very comfortable with him.
In 1999, Dotti took this photo of Mom and I in the Milo church. Mother and son, with love and no knowledge or even a premonition of what was going to come in so short a time.
Another picture that was taken in the late 1990's. Mom, I know you don't understand it, but I miss you so much!
Here are Dotti and Miho in Mom's room. Behind them is a school picture of LeRoy on Mom's dresser. The two ladies are beautiful and I was very thankful they were there for the visit!
Past and future embrace in a moment in time. Great-grandma and great-grandson share a hug and look at the camera. Despair and hope, joined and frozen in time. Kai has grown taller since the last time they hugged, and his protective arm holds her with love.
This one is out of order, as it was taken in the lobby when we first met up with Mom in her home. Dotti's tee shirt reminds me that their birth places are 6,800 miles apart from each other. (Dotti was born on Long Island, not actually in New York City, but it was close.) At the average latitude between their birth cities, the circumference of the earth is about 17,000 miles. In other words, the cities lie at 40% of the way around the world from each other. And yet here they are, together sharing love and experiences that I am sure we all will remember for a long time.
This picture was taken in May of 1970, on the weekend of my high school graduation. Mom and Dad had driven up the 800 miles from Barstow, California to be there for my graduation, and to pick me up and take me home from school. Mom and Dad looked good in their outfits, but I was wearing those silly 70's pants. 
I would love to have the chance to have their ears one more time, to thank them for the things they taught me and to apologize for the grief I gave them, as teen agers tend to do. In three years, minus almost 5 months my father would be dead, killed by an accident that happened just a short distance from where this photo was taken. I had no idea how short a time I had left with Dad. We just never know.
Glenn and Mom shared a lot of hugs that day, and it did my heart good to see it!
Also, Glenn visited with Mom and listened to her patiently.
Mom speaks so intently and seriously. She feels she has so much to share. She pours out her little heart and then does it again.
Mom really enjoyed the attention and I am very glad we came. Thank you Glenn for your kind attentions to Grandma! It meant a lot to me as well as it did to her.
Mom was smiling and laughing a lot during our visit and that was great!
Glenn and Mom both were great about smiling for the camera, and we had a couple of cameras going. I am glad that we did!
An old time picture with Great Grandma and Kai. Their smiles are captured for good by the camera. Over Kai's shoulder the old photos sit, telling their own stories of captured moments. My folks first Christmas card with their baby son sitting on their laps. Mom's graduation picture, and many more. Time marches on, and it brings all things, good and bad, to our feet and lays them there.
Miho took this last group shot and it was time to go. Another visit with Mom was at an end. Tomorrow she will have forgotten it happened, but the rest of us will remember, for as long as our memories last, this time spent with my mother, such a small little woman in this great big world. I love you Mom!
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My Alaska belt buckle is a reminder of the cruise we took, to a place that seemed like it was a pretty fair distance away. But it was really close compared with Japan, where Glenn and his family live. The time we spent together on this trip was especially precious, after the terrible catastrophe that hit the Japanese Islands earlier this year. Being able to put my arms around my son and my grandson is a gift that can't be measured. Great grandma, at some level knows this is a special event, and she very much enjoyed the visit. I am very glad we came, despite the pain it caused me.
Glenn gave his grandmother a lot of hugs and attention, and I know she appreciated. I also know that I appreciated it as well. He was very understanding and compassionate to her, and that meant a great deal to me.
Mom was pointing out to her deck area, and was explaining something about it.
Don't they look happy? They were eagerly setting out on a path that they were hopeful would be filled with joy. There was joy, to be sure, but there was far more pain and suffering than they ever dreamed might come along. The one thing that was certain was that they both gave it their all and another thing that was clear to one who had a front row seat, despite all their troubles, they were deeply in love with each other.
Dotti took this group shot, with Miho included standing next to Mom. The visit was lighthearted and the smiles were genuine. The battle I face each time I go to visit Mom is my own, and I try my best to keep it out of the way, so the others can enjoy the time they spend with Mom, and I do like to see Mom smiling and having a good time.
Mom has that "little girl" look on her face. It is hard to tell if that look merely touches my heart or shatters it, but Glenn was a great help on this visit, and Mom felt very comfortable with him.
In 1999, Dotti took this photo of Mom and I in the Milo church. Mother and son, with love and no knowledge or even a premonition of what was going to come in so short a time.
Another picture that was taken in the late 1990's. Mom, I know you don't understand it, but I miss you so much!
Here are Dotti and Miho in Mom's room. Behind them is a school picture of LeRoy on Mom's dresser. The two ladies are beautiful and I was very thankful they were there for the visit!
Past and future embrace in a moment in time. Great-grandma and great-grandson share a hug and look at the camera. Despair and hope, joined and frozen in time. Kai has grown taller since the last time they hugged, and his protective arm holds her with love.
This one is out of order, as it was taken in the lobby when we first met up with Mom in her home. Dotti's tee shirt reminds me that their birth places are 6,800 miles apart from each other. (Dotti was born on Long Island, not actually in New York City, but it was close.) At the average latitude between their birth cities, the circumference of the earth is about 17,000 miles. In other words, the cities lie at 40% of the way around the world from each other. And yet here they are, together sharing love and experiences that I am sure we all will remember for a long time.
This picture was taken in May of 1970, on the weekend of my high school graduation. Mom and Dad had driven up the 800 miles from Barstow, California to be there for my graduation, and to pick me up and take me home from school. Mom and Dad looked good in their outfits, but I was wearing those silly 70's pants. 
Glenn and Mom shared a lot of hugs that day, and it did my heart good to see it!
Mom speaks so intently and seriously. She feels she has so much to share. She pours out her little heart and then does it again.
Mom really enjoyed the attention and I am very glad we came. Thank you Glenn for your kind attentions to Grandma! It meant a lot to me as well as it did to her.
Mom was smiling and laughing a lot during our visit and that was great!
Glenn and Mom both were great about smiling for the camera, and we had a couple of cameras going. I am glad that we did!
An old time picture with Great Grandma and Kai. Their smiles are captured for good by the camera. Over Kai's shoulder the old photos sit, telling their own stories of captured moments. My folks first Christmas card with their baby son sitting on their laps. Mom's graduation picture, and many more. Time marches on, and it brings all things, good and bad, to our feet and lays them there.
Miho took this last group shot and it was time to go. Another visit with Mom was at an end. Tomorrow she will have forgotten it happened, but the rest of us will remember, for as long as our memories last, this time spent with my mother, such a small little woman in this great big world. I love you Mom!
