Thursday – Day Three

I went to the gym today. I walked over, leaving the apartment about 7:45 AM. I felt good walking over to the gym and hoped for some good times on my running. I got my wish! My fastest times ever: 1 mile – 9:03; 1.5 miles – 13:55; 2 miles – 18:40; 3 miles – 28:53.

My 1.5 mile time puts me well into the “fair” category of fitness. With some hard work, and more time off cigarettes, I should be able to work my way into the “good” category.

All of the nicotine and carbon monoxide are gone from my body!!!

I watched a movie with Dot; Moonbase. It had “Mr. Chekov” [Walter Koeing] in it as an American Astronaut. The movie all around stunk. Until now (6:35 PM) I’ve been reading my stop smoking books. The last couple of hours I have been getting my first real urges to smoke. Maybe it is the reading material.

It has been about 72 hours since my last cigarette. I’ve eaten candy and cheese and sugar wafers to beat the band. Right now I’m in search of a distraction to get me into tomorrow.

Watched a little TV (Father Knows Best, where “Tarzan” mashes Betty) after getting my first civilian haircut in many years. $7.99 for the haircut and a $2.00 tip made for about $10.00 worth of investment.

Today has been sprinkled with little “urges.” I feel like a man with no sense of balance, stuck in the middle of a tightrope. The pit of my stomach knots up for a moment and then I’m back on the ground.

Miraculously, I haven’t yet had a major disagreement with Dot! Past failures have usually been tied to one of those events, when my "quit-smoking emotions" are set off so easily.

Dot quit about October 14. she just bit the bullet and cold-turkeyed her way through once more. I’m proud of her! I’m impressed!

I have to start watching my weight. I have put on about 10 pounds since starting this program. So, my secondary concern, right after quitting smoking, is to lose that 10 pounds back to where I was. In the meantime, I ‘m eating M&Ms (peanut) by the handful to maintain my non-smoking status. Speaking of which, it has been nearly 96 hours since my last cigarette! When I got back from Amsterdam, I made it 3.5 days without smoking. Last year I made it 3.5 days. This is the longest I have been without a cigarette since May 7, 1987, when I brought 34 days of non-smoking to an end. So, this is, right now, the second longest period of time I have ever gone with out a cigarette, since starting the stupid habit!

Saturday – Day Five
Resting Pulse: 69; Weight: 204

The night before last, I was up and down all night: up, use the restroom, and back to sleep. But last night, I slept all the way trough from 12:midnight (late to bed because Dot was working) to 7:15 AM without waking up once!

I hate waiting until the gym opens on the weekend at 10:00 AM. So, I went out and did my run in the parking lot. My times suffered accordingly. My mile time was 10:01, the mile and a half was 15:20 and I had to walk part of the last 1.2 miles to complete my two miles in 20:55.

Today was trash. I smoked 4 cigarettes between 5:PM and 6:20 PM. In the past that has always led to a total collapse in my quitting program. I flushed the rest of the pack of NOW’s down the toilet but I don’t know how much good it will do.

Why did I fail? (1) I woke up early and probably didn’t get enough sleep last night. I knew it was going to be a bad day right away. (2) There were some personal issues that came up today. (3) When dealing with the issues later on, I did not handle the stress well.

I was having a real hard time of it, but I laid down and thought I was back on track, but something else came up, and I ended up getting nervous. I got up and took a walk. Anyway, the main and final result was that I caved in. I just told myself that I couldn’t deal with life.

Four cigarettes are not a total relapse, but they are a major breach in the dike. Either it’s back to total abstinence or it’s back to total smoking.

I can already feel the circulation tightening up in my body. I know how bad it I will feel physically, if I collapse back into smoking. I don’t know how may more tries I will be given the opportunity to have before a major illness strikes me down. What do I do?

Right now, I want to quit! I have been feeling a lot better the last few days. I want to hold on to that. Tomorrow will be a new day one. I don’t think my body will tolerate another smoking binge. I must find an alternative to smoking!

I smoked 47 cigarettes over the last 9 days. I smoked 4 cigarettes over the last 5 days. Right now I am in a very good position to start over once more. My first stutter cost me 43 cigarettes. This one cost me 4. Hopefully the next one won’t happen at all.

Sunday - Day One
Resting Pulse: 69; Weight: 209

Easy day. Ate a lot to avoid urges. Worked on a program to print out 6 numbers for the Mass Millions for Dot.

Watched TV quite a bit today, jumping between channels. Watched some football, but nothing great happened. The 49ers won and the Rams don’t play until tomorrow night.

Dot and I had a disagreement, and I was really mad, but I didn’t want a cigarette. I wanted to yell, curse and so forth, but I did not want to smoke. Dot was so upset that she told me to smoke, if that was why I was upset. It wasn’t, and I didn’t!

I don’t know, is this day 6 or day one?

Monday - Day Two (or Seven)
5:10 PM

So far, so good. I made it over to the gym this morning and ran a full three miles, averaging better than 10 minutes a mile! This was a first for me.

Dot rented a movie called Q and A. I watched it before coming to work. It had Nick Nolte running around as a bad cop, killing folks - mostly bad guys - and then getting killed himself.

My first day back to work with my new haircut, and my new non-smoking status; today has been nice so far. Indeed, my workday is over half over already, and I’m doing fine.

Today I have to work from 1 - 9 PM because a class in on. I ma not 100% ready for this. I don’t feel quite right but, I am doing OK so far. On my way to work this afternoon, I was light-headed, as would be expected on day 3. This moring I ate 2/3 of a package of chocolate sugar wafers. The remainder I ate tonight at dinner. My waist line is increasing. I only hope that my control returns before I get much fatter. Losing weight is a pain. But it is a lot easier than quitting smoking.

Wednesday - Day Four (9)
Resting Pulse: 68; Weight: 209

Ran 3 miles today in under 30 minutes. My legs are a little tired but not too bad. That run put my aerobic points over the top for this month. My previous best month was 111.5 Aerobic Points. This month was over 120 points. And I took a week off this month! I am looking forward to writing down [in my exercise journal] the weekly totals this time. It will be the first week where I smoked zero (0) cigarettes since I started my log.

I am only unhappy about one thing: I find that I need to munch and nibble all the time. My weight has gone up. I have not smoked at all for 4 days, and only had one slip in the last 9 days. When I have 17 consecutive days under my belt of not smoking, then I will be focusing much harder on my weight. Right now my most important goal and concern is not ever smoking another cigarette!

Today I have eaten two bowls of cereal, 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a small bag of Fritos, a small bag of cheese crackers, and untold numbers of lemon drops. I drank a cup of chocolate (low cal) and a regular 7-Up. I had a cup of herbal tea. Tonight I will have dinner. We’ll see how much I weigh tomorrow.

Also tomorrow, I get my second crack at day Five!