Return to Comic Relief

 

More Dieting & Exercise Quotes

One should eat to live, not live to eat. Moliere

To lengthen thy Life, lessen thy meals. Benjamin Franklin

Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy

I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require so much cooking. Carrie Snow

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it. Andy Rooney

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. Storm Jameson

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.  Anonymous

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. Totie Fields

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet!  Anonymous

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. Mae West

To feel "fit as a fiddle," you must tone down your middle.  Anonymous

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping! Milton Berle

He who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else. Samuel Johnson

When I buy cookies I just eat four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. Janette Barber

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. Paula Poundstone

Old people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben

You do live longer with bran but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet. Alan King

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven today - we don't know where the hell she is. Ellen Degeneres

You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise. I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did. Drag your lips around the block once or twice. Gwen Owen

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. Mark Twain

When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away. Robert M. Hutchins

I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts. Rita Rudner

Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending over backward, lying down on the job, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck. Anonymous

I joined a health spa recently. They had a sign for "Free Weights." So I took a couple. Scott Wood

Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself. Steve Allen