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How To Eat A...

JELLY DOUGHNUT:  Scoop out jelly with spoon. Eat. Stuff inside with miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Warm in oven.

MALLOMAR:  Pick off chocolate coating. Suck out marshmallow middle. Pop graham wafer in mouth.

CHEESECAKE:  Say, "I'll only have a sliver." Eat. Cut another sliver. Eat. Continue until cake is gone. Smile demurely.

SMORGASBORD:  Grab the largest plate. Bypass the jellied aspic molds and head straight for the desserts (these go quickly). Keep hot and cold foods separate. Avoid diners with blue hair or those dressed in polyester. They dawdle, have difficulty deciding and move slowly.

CHOCOLATE PUDDING:  Cut pudding with spoon, puncturing skin. Tunnel pudding out of dish, leaving skin in place. When pudding has been eaten, wrap skin around spoon. Hold spoon vertically and scrape skin off with teeth.

PIZZA:  Cut into pie-shaped wedge (large). Crack slice in middle and eat with the sides curled up to avoid losing the filling. Do not even think of using a knife and fork.

BARBECUED RIBS:  Let grease drip to elbow. Do not wipe mouth between bites.

MILANO:  Insert one-half of cookie in mouth. Apply pressure with both upper and bottom teeth to center of cookie. Without biting through, slowly pull cooke out of mouth, scraping off brown-edged wafer but leaving chocolate middle intact. Repeat with other half. Let remaining chocolate melt in mouth.

THE LAST COOKIE, THE LAST CRACKER, THE LAST PIECE OF CANDY:  Look both ways. In one continuous motion, scoop up cookie (or cracker, or candy) and stuff in mouth before someone else can beat you to it.