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Gym Terms

I'm getting pumped up - I'm standing in front of the  mirror and flexing because I'm enamored with the way I look

Getting ripped - eating miniature meals in an attempt to remove all of the healthy fat from my body

Supplements - products with all of the calories and nutrients contained in food but which have no resemblance in taste, texture, or appearance to food

'roids - illegal drugs taken by people who don't mind the inconvenience of having to walk through a door sideways

Aerobics - masochism with an instructor

Stairmaster - masochism without an instructor

Reps - the number of times you torture yourself by lifting a heavy weight off your chest

Free weights are better than machines - I'm too stupid to figure out how to work the machines

Machines are better than free weights - I dropped a dumbbell on my foot one to many times

Bench press - a strength training exercise in which you lie on a bench and try to prevent a weight-laden bar from plummeting down to crush your chest

Treadmill - a device which allows you to walk or run, much like can be done outdoors, but this way you get to pay $25 a month and a large up front fee for the privilege of doing it indoors