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Willpower is the ability to resist temptation until you can be sure that no-one's looking...

Desperation: eating the dog's choc drops.

Who says I've got no will power - I'll get that pecan pie if it's the last thing I do.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Unhealthy: what thin people call you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.

Stay out of bed, and stay active, and eat rice and fish - and eventually you die.

I'd have no objection to people who eat like sparrows if they'd only stop that everlasting chirping about it.

Acceptable weight: what you weigh now if you were six inches taller.

Adult: one who has ceased to grow vertically but not horizontally.

The doctor said apples were non-fattening so I ate 68 of the little devils.

You came down because you thought you heard burglars? Got them trapped in the refrigerator have you?

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but can she climb a tree.

There's a new Chinese diet. Order all the food you want but use only one chopstick.

He's on a weekly course of special diet crackers. They're usually all gone by Tuesday breakfast.

Gosh - I could eat a horse - a high protein, low cholesterol, sugar free horse, of course.

Dieter's Law: food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along...

Eve: only woman ever really tempted by an apple.

Warning - You have been detected making unauthorized entry to the refrigerator - please replace purloined items immediately!

About the only time losing is more fun than when you're fighting temptation.

If it wasn't for wrestling with my conscience...I'd get no exercise at all.

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.

Diets are no good without exercise so his dinner's on the garage roof and I've hidden the ladder.

Eat that last pea and you're over your calorie count.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.

Diet, n: the all-consuming obsession with the food you shouldn't have eaten yesterday but did, the food you have eaten today but shouldn't have, and the food you shouldn't eat tomorrow but probably will.

MMM!  Poached carrot!!!

When you begin to think all plate glass windows distort, it's time to think about a diet.

Why am I bothering to eat this chocolate? I might as well apply it directly to my thighs.

My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.

Little and often doesn't mean a trip to the refrigerator every half hour.

The best reducing exercise is to shake the head violently from side to side when offered a second helping.

It's here in the Health Farm rules: Eating the furniture is thought of as cheating.

Why's Daddy eating a T.V. dinner in the back of the car, in the garage?

I was doing quite well till I got hooked on diet crackers...

There was only one occasion in my life when I put myself on a strict diet...and it was the most miserable afternoon I've ever spent.

Hello? Fat-Busters? Mrs. E. Fenwick, 32 Horton Boulevard, member no. 4734 has just made and is about to consume a triple-decker ham sandwich.

Liquid diets - the powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

There's something in it for you if you can get a couple of steaks under my door.

Letter to a friend from a man at a health farm: Help! Send me a file with a cake in it.