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The Truth About Fitness

Subject: Fitness
The truth about fitness- Please read carefully

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical effieciencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and Corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more then an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system . Need grain? Eat Chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass. (green leafy vegetables) And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer and wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories, animal, mineral and and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advise, have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is No Pain – Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope, Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop you’ll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Are fried foods bad for you?

A: You are not listening. Fried Foods are fried in vegetable oil. In fact they’re permeated in it How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker Gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had!

Thank You Joan